Little Lulu, less context

Panel from Little Lulu, Vol. 8: Late for School

Superman vs. the Sugarhill Gang

As we all know, a proud tradition of hip-hop is calling out, as they say, those sucka MCs who front like they can spit mad rhymes but are just bustas trying to bite a line. But crackin’ on Superman? Now you’ve gone too far, gentlemen!

Actually, this is a crime so old it should be considered a cold case. My wife Sandy rediscovered it recently while listening to Pandora and 1979’s “Rapper’s Delight” started playing. For those of you not ancient enough to remember ancient history, the Sugarhill Gang put the first hip-hop single in the Top 40 when this fairly tame, exceptionally lengthy rap swept discos and pop stations across the country. The song was silly, fun and undeniably catchy. It also completely disses Superman about two-thirds of the way in when Big Bank Hank starts dropping bombs on the Man of Steel. (Wonder Mike and Master Gee seemed to wisely distance themselves from this madness.)

It starts off semi-innocently enough:

Because they say that miracles never cease
I’ve created a devastating masterpiece
I’m gonna rock the mic ’til you can’t resist
Everybody, I say it goes like this

Well I was comin’ home late one dark afternoon
A reporter stopped me for a interview
She said she’s heard stories and she’s heard fables
That I’m vicious on the mic and the turntables

This young reporter I did adore
So I rocked a vicious rhyme like I never did before
She said, Damn fly guy I’m in love with you
The Casanova legend must have been true

OK, OK, so far, so good. I’d like to hear more about this young reporter, though.

I said, By the way baby what’s your name
Said, I go by the name of Lois Lane
and you could be my boyfiend, you surely can
just let me quit my boyfriend called Superman

Whoa, whoa, whoa!! We all know Lois can be fickle, but c’mon! Well, at least we can be sure Hank backed off once he realized who he was messing with right?

Wrong.

I said, He’s a fairy I do suppose,
flyin’ through the air in pantyhose.
He may be very sexy or even cute,
But he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit.

That’s just a cheap shot, right there. Man, his momma made that for him!

I said, You need a man who’s got finesse
and his whole name across his chest.
He may be able to fly all through the night
but can he rock a party ’til the early light?
He can’t satisfy you with his little worm,
But I can bust you out with my super-sperm.

What. The.  Fu …

I go do it, I go do it, I go do it, do it , do it
and I’m here and I’m there, I’m Big Bang Hank, I’m everywhere.
Just throw your hands up in the air
and party hardy like you just don’t care.

Thank you, Mr. Big Bang Hank, because we don’t care for your slander, not one bit. I’m just glad there weren’t other groups from that era that tried to make Superman look a fool.

Oh, for Christ’s sake. Apparently Superman’s real weakness is cardboard and parachute pants.

Adventures in Sound #29

R.I.P.: Jackie Cooper (1922-2011)

Back in the early days of cable TV, there was suddenly a lot more bandwidth but not a whole lot to put on it. There wasn’t any original content yet – for that matter, there weren’t any dedicated cable channels. Basically what you got was a gigantic brown box with doorbell buttons on it, your usual local channels and one or two channels from another city.

Since no one was really programming for people who’d happily flip through channels all day, watching TV at any time that wasn’t prime time meant watching a lot of old stuff stations could rerun cheap. That’s how I wound up absorbing, like a little polyester-clad sponge, black-and-white Popeye cartoons, Abbott and Costello movies and Our Gang shorts.

And that was how I first came across Jackie Cooper.

I watched a hell of  a lot of Little Rascals when I was a kid, and I’ll still watch it if I get the chance. Cooper was part of one of the earlier groups of kids featured in the Our Gang series, and co-stars in one of my favorite episodes, “Love Business.” Ooh, Chubbsy-Ubbsy, there’s gonna be something heavy on your nose! Needless to say, his squinty-eyed, no-nonsense kid showings made an impression.

You can imagine my surprise, sitting in the dark theater and excited OUT OF MY MIND as Superman spooled out onto the screen, when who should show up but some guy playing Perry White. Just some guy. But he’s like, perfect, and man, he looks familiar, where do I know him from ohmygodit’sthekidfromTheLittleRascals!

I was a kid myself and had a slippery grasp on the way aging works, so I was genuinely shocked at the thought that a kid from Our Gang was not only still alive, but shouting out “Kent!” and giving Jimmy Olsen a hard time. The shock didn’t last long, though, because Cooper’s acting was so spot-on that as far as I was concerned, that guy up there in the rumpled remains of a suit and the gleam of a newspaper-man in his eye WAS Perry White. Even today he’s my Perry White, and I will straight-up fight you if you say there has been a better Perry before or since.

For all these reasons, I was very sad to hear the news Jackie Cooper died Tuesday (May 3) at the age of 88. With him goes a career that spanned the earliest days of American cinema and which managed to endear him to generations of fans, including a kid who, years later, would still hear his voice every time he reads the name of his blog.

In spite of looking, I couldn’t find any decent Perry White clips from Superman — which is just criminal, man — but I did find that favorite Little Rascals episode I mentioned.  Enjoy it, and maybe let out a “Great Caesar’s ghost” while you’re at it.

“Love Business,” part 1:

“Love Business,” part 2:

‘Don’t stop. It’s comin’ out beautiful.’

Y’know who’s a cool guy? Jack Klugman.

That’s right – mutha-effin’ Quincy, ME. And today happens to be his 89th birthday, so it gives me the chance to talk about what are some of my favorite Klugman performances – namely, his featured turns in The Twilight Zone. Klugman starred in four episodes, but his tremendous acting skill somehow makes it seem like more.

I’ll admit to being old enough to have been raised on Klugman’s later series, Quincy, M.E., but it was Twilight Zone that introduced me to the actor. Reruns, people, I’m not that old. But even today, when his name comes up it’s these performances I think of.

One of Klugman’s most enduring and well-known Twilight Zone episodes is also one of my favorites – “A Game of Pool,” in which he co-starred with a wonderfully subdued Jonathan Winters. In it Klugman is a pool hustler, an embittered, wanna-be champion who tells anyone who’ll listen that he’d be considered the greatest if it weren’t for the legend of dead pool player Fats Brown (Winters). Brown, proving legends never really die, hears Klugman’s Jesse and challenges him to a game where the stakes are life, death and glory. Obsessed with being the best, Jesse ignores Fats’ warning that the stakes may be even higher than he thinks.

Another favorite of mine was the relentlessly melancholy “A Passage for Trumpet.” In this one Klugman is Joey Crown, an on-the-skids drunk of a trumpet player looking for a second chance. Depressed and at a dead-end, Joey pawns his trumpet and, upset, steps off the curb and unknowingly into the path of an oncoming bus. Later coming to on the sidewalk, Joey realizes he’s been killed right before hearing the lonely strains of a trumpet coming from a fire escape above him. Hearing Klugman deliver the next  line -  “Don’t stop. It’s comin’ out beautiful” – still gives me chills. This episode really showcases Klugman’s Everyman strength as an actor, a kind of weary resolve, a strained nobility that can range from fury to finality in the course of seconds. It’s amazing to watch.

The last two episodes on Klugman’s Twilight Zone resumé are equally great, though not as well-known. These include “Death Ship” (a mind-bending essay on time-loops and free will) and “In Praise of Pip,” one of the earliest examples of the Vietnam War being mentioned on a TV show and a heartbreaking look at a father’s love for his son.

All of these are worth the trouble of finding, and the pleasure of watching, especially since The Twilight Zone is now available on Netflix streaming. Go on, treat yourself to some fine acting and raise a glass to Jack Klugman – I think he’d appreciate the gesture. Right, Jack?

Tragedy

The Life and Times of Johnny Storm

Taking the not-so-high road

Hey, it’s April 20th, and you know what that means — it’s time to crack open a window, grab some of our favorite recreational herb and get waaaaa … aaaaait a minute. I’m sorry, I can’t …. I can’t do this.

Look, I’ll be honest with you. It’s been pretty well-established that I’m a nerd. After all, I read comics, like, a lot. I watch sci-fi unironically. I like board games and science and will gladly talk to you about fonts and the relative qualities of paper grades for hours if you let me. For God’s sake, I write a blog.

But even among fellow geeks I tend to be seen as a little uncool because of what I don’t do — drink or smoke.

OK, before the mental machinery gets going, let me explain that I’m not a prude. Seriously. I don’t care if you drink or smoke, as long as I don’t end up having to take care of your sloppy ass, because really, lame. I don’t think there is anything morally wrong with it as long as it’s not done to excess, but that’s how I feel about everything. (We won’t get into the problem of the drug trade and how the huge U.S. market is at the root of it … ahem.) And strangely enough, or maybe not considering I live in Austin, I have a disproportionate number of friends who smoke. Hell, I used to play in a gaming group where I was one of the few not smoking, but I’d still come home reeking. In fairness, it was always a good game, though.

Side note: Hey, when I say “smoke,” you know I’m talking about weed, right? Just checking.

Anyway, I’m only bringing this up to make a point: While I myself don’t get high, I really enjoy the art and artifacts that come up around the culture of getting high.

Side note 2: I should make it clear that my tolerance ends at marijuana; use anything harder and you’re a moron. Back to this week’s Very Special Episode.

Maybe it’s from growing up on Cheech & Chong, but I find drug humor hilarious. Even the more serious-minded anti-drug PSAs, movies and that sort of thing are fascinating, both for their earnestness and the sheer craziness some of them dive into in an effort to scare people straight. And they’re a snapshot of America at a particular time and place, both socially and artistically. Of course, a lot of these efforts are aimed at kids and young adults, including this comic published in 1970, Users Are Losers!

The kid in the second-to-last panel kills me. And all in all, it’s a surprisingly informative collection of facts and consequences without a lot of the hyperbole that might be expected. Plus, the art is pretty great, in that loosey-goosey, 70s sorta way. You can read the whole thing over at Comics with Problems (a site well worth looking through), and then treat yourself to a big bag of Fritos and a nap. Whatever, man, s’cool.

Adventures in Sound #28

Shut up, Black Panther!

Dang, T’Challa, when Thor is nutshelling it for you, maybe it’s time to start cutting things short.

Panel from Avengers: The Coming of the Beast