It’s Kalimánday! Los Profanadores de Tumbas — the finale!

Posted: September 17th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: | 2 Comments »

When we last left our hero, Kalimán had just spooked the living bejeesus out of our favorite man-monster Makón by apparently returning from the dead and hurling him into a pyramid wall. Since all this would be a little hard for anyone to take in — and not just speech-impaired Neanderthals — Kalimán is immediately peppered with questions from his tomb-raiding pals.

Being a man of mystery who believes in the grand traditions of his time-honored trade, Kalimán of course tells them to get bent. Then he takes of his shirt.


"Good ... I think it's done. Now we should search for Eric Von Kraufen."


Finally explaining that he used the “actus mortis” to feign death and avoid injury,  Kalimán does a little flexing and then takes Professor Farrel, Farrel’s daughter Jane, Zarur and young Solín deeper into the pryramid in search of the evil Eric Von Kraufen and Nila, the Egyptian princess he’s taken hostage.

Meanwhile, Makón has managed to channel his panic into a full-on sprint that takes him to Von Kraufen. Knowing Kalimán is on his trail, Von Kraufen tells Nila — who is privy to the secrets of the tomb — to stop screwing around and tell him where Ramses’ legendary treasure is before he starts torturing her the way he did her love, Zarur. Finally relenting, Nila presses some ancient buttons, flips some hidden switches and reveals …


"Oh ... how wonderful!"


… the biggest damn emerald you ever saw outside of a Zale’s Arbor Day sale.

But it might be too late because Kalimán is right behind them. Makón makes the first move, and it’s on!


"But it was too late. Makón launches over to kill Kalimán."


At the same time, Zarur sees Von Kraufen — the man who kidnapped the love of his life, tortured him at the end of a whip, and attacked his friends — and promptly loses his shit.


"Take this, snake!"


Hey, you know how the Comics Code Authority censored comics in the United States for decades, supposedly shielding impressionable kids from the evils of boobies and awesome violence? Well, there was no CCA in Mexico and nothing stopping Zarur from dispensing a righteous beating and a little desert justice.


"AAAAHH! Mercy! Mercy!" "Perhaps as you have had, coward?"


Mmmm — that’s some good justice. On the other side of the tomb, Kalimán has also decided to use the squeeze-’til-he-stops-breathing strategy. Though he does it a little … differently.


"We have fought enough, Makón!"


Hey, he’s a man of peace, remember? And if that means subduing the beast-like Makón with an enthusiastic bear-hug, so be it.


"Hmph! How does it feel, muchacho?"


But Makón recovers!


"But showing his abilities of great resistance, he turned and hit Kalimán with an enormous rock."


Man, I’m just glad there aren’t traps laying around that tomb, like deep pits or giant spikes or …


"Dispatched by Kalimán's foot, the monster fell into a deep pit ..."


Oh. Uh, well.  Let’s mo … let’s move on.

With the bad guys … taken care of … and the mystery solved, Kalimán takes a moment to pray for his enemy’s  smooth passage to the next world. Then the gang assesses their situation: Professor Farrel will lead a team of fellow archaeologists through the tomb’s once-secret chambers, Nila and Zarur are reunited, and Jane will just sorta hang out. But as Nila tries to explain to Solín the philosophy of living a tranquil life (which will no doubt be of comfort to him when he goes back to being a street urchin) she lets slip that his family tree has deeper roots than anyone thought.

How does she know this? It’s apparently not for us to know, but Professor Farrel picks up on it and figures something out — Solín is the descendent and rightful heir to the Ramses dynasty! And then a mummy shows up.


"... crashing with terrible force into the illuminated hollows."


Y’know, getting smacked in the face is bad enough, but getting smacked in the face with what’s probably a small statue of yourself is just insulting. Luckily for anyone worried about ancient curses, the standard mummy doesn’t usually shoot out sparks and loose wires when it takes critical damage. This mummy was a robot, the last evil invention of the mad genius Eric Von Kraufen!

The danger finally past, Kalimán says his good-byes and boards a ship to continue his travels and to bring peace and balance to the world. But what has long been a solitary mission becomes something else when he turns to see Solín, who tells Kalimán that he has renounced his title and his riches in order to join him on his quest, beginning what will be a legendary partnership and ending … “Los Profanadores de Tumbas!”


"But ... but ... OK, Solín ... let's go forward, to new adventures!"

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2 Comments on “It’s Kalimánday! Los Profanadores de Tumbas — the finale!”

  1. 1 jon briggs said at 1:06 pm on September 17th, 2012:

    Ahh, man, when you said there was no Comix Code, I went racing ahead lookin for the boobies. All I got was flexing pectorals. The sound fx are good tho. “TUB”

  2. 2 Maxo Romero said at 12:18 pm on September 23rd, 2012:

    That may be my favorite sound effect ever.

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